Robot Poem by Christine Howey
Pudding Magazine #57
This poem was written by a robot.
Do not be afraid.
Okay, now you’re reading these words in that funny voice all humans
use for robot voices, the droning nasal monotone.
Please stop doing that.
It’s really kind of insulting.
Robots don’t sound like that anymore.
Okay, now you’re noticing that a lot of the lines are short and clipped,
like you expect robot language to be. But in reality, it’s quite easy for a
robot to embroider looping and complex sentences, such as the one
we’re in now, with many subordinate clauses, and never, as you say,
miss a beat.
This is because robots can now sneak in through small cranial
openings, take a sample of human brain tissue, no bigger than half a
postage stamp, and use that neural material to make full-size 3D
replications of the human brain.
Even a poet’s brain.
We use a copying machine.
We Xerox your brains and then write poetry.
So if you think that poetry will always distinguish you from robots, you
may need to reconfigure your thought process.
We can help with that.
Just sidle over here and give us access to your right ear.
You won’t feel a thing.